Most of us experience the break-up of a relationship at some point. It can be a very painful time, especially if we don’t want this. But even if we are choosing to break-up, it can still be hard letting go of a relationship that has been important to us.

In most relationship break-ups there are three main areas to be aware of – practical matters, emotional effects and the impact of the break-up on others.

On practical matters

Practical matters can include where we will live, if breaking up means the loss of our home and the sorting out of finances or shared belongings. A solicitor or the Citizens Advice Bureau can offer helpful legal advice on how to proceed and our rights. There will be some choices to be made and talking these through with people we can trust is important.

Dealing with the emotional effect

There may be very strong emotions involved in breaking-up often including anger. In some ways the loss of a relationship is a form or bereavement. We need to deal with the loss of all that the relationship meant to us and all that we hoped for from the relationship that is now gone. This usually involves grieving. When a relationship has been harmful, it is important to find ways of healing and recovering from the impact of the relationship. This equips us to find happiness in our lives and make good choices in future relationships.

What about the impact on others?

The impact on others is particularly significant when there are children involved. How children are told about big changes in their immediate family is important. They are likely to have questions, especially about where they are going to live. It is likely they will feel strong emotions and need time to adjust to the changes. It can be important to reassure children that the break-up is not their fault as many children imagine they are responsible in some way. The NSPCC has some helpful advice for parents who are separating or divorcing:

Supporting children through separation and divorce | NSPCC

Is therapy needed?

It may be that friends and the wider family are supportive and therapy sessions are not needed, but therapy can be a helpful support for many adults and children who are experiencing big changes in their relationships. Finding a therapist you or your children can connect well with and trust is key to getting the most of sessions. Ending a relationship and moving on to the next stage well is possible. Good quality support lessens the stress involved in doing this.